Royal Hotel Essendon

And just like that it was time to embark on an entirely new leg of the Tour. With Portland still feeling like just a week or two ago, we once again boarded a plane and this time headed down to Melbourne. And on this leg, John and I had a special guest: John’s dad Rod. After a short flight down to Melbourne, it was an even shorter drive to our first stop of this leg: the Royal Hotel Essendon.

The trip from the airport to the pub wasn’t exactly the smoothest. The rental car pickup was excruciating. But it didn’t get any easier once he had the car. I know I’m not shocking anyone or making any new discoveries when I say, driving in Melbourne sucks. And I’m not even talking about hook turns. Just on the way had to traverse bespoke roundabouts with 9 possible exits, tram lines which you sometimes can drive over, and one way roads that take you on a 40 minute round trip if you miss a turn the first time.

After circling the pub looking for a place to park, we finally found a tiny carpark up a narrow alley in the back. There were tons of signs saying ‘Strictly Hotel Patrons Only’. But luckily that was us. So we parked the car and followed a sign towards the main entrance. Just as we were approaching that entrance a voice boomed out ‘Hey, you guys lost?!’.

The bar manager had been watching us and suspected we were freeloaders out to snaffle one of the few car parks in a 5km radius. How she didn’t pick that we were actually 3 blokes from interstate who had caught the morning flight down to have a 10:30am beer at her pub, I’ll never know.

But once we did establish that we were not solely interested in the carpark of the Royal Hotel Essendon, we were immediately welcomed in. The next question after ‘Hey, you guys lost?!’ turned out to be ‘Do you have the app’? Our blank looks was apparently answer enough. She directed us to the app store to download the app (or in Rod’s case, took his phone and did it herself). The app turned out to be a loyalty program that crucially came with a $9 credit when you signed up. As schooners at this particular establishment were $8.50, the upshot was we got paid 50 cents to have a beer. That is definitely a first for the Tour.

The pub itself was pretty nice as well. It wasn’t one of those old school character filled ones that we’ve recently seen on some of our more rural trips. But it was extremely comfortable and well-kept and not a place that felt awkward to be drinking at 10:30 in the morning. There was a good sized beer garden and a nice looking restaurant area as well.

Again, the place wasn’t the most unique Royal we’ve been to. It had a bit of a club vibe as well. But it was a good pub to start the trip. We even stayed for an extra beer (this one we had to pay THEM for unfortunately). But after that additional beer and a couple of donuts (by the way they made us donuts too), we had to head off to the next stop. All in all though, definitely a very solid Royal.

Royal Stats

• Town/Suburb: Essendon, VIC
• Population: 21,240
• Date Visited: Friday, February 14, 2025
• Visited By: Cory, John and Rod
• Beer Sponsorship on Sign: None
• Beer Consumed at Pub: Carlton Draught
• Price of Schooner of Said Beer: -$0.50
• Unique Award: First Royal Where We’ve Been Paid to Drink a Beer
• Tour Progress: 54.7% (76/139)